Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
