i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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