I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
