it was like eating out sand paper
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
