and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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