Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
