Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
