Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
