Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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