Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Two words: blizzard sex
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
His nipple licking is glorious
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