so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
