Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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