i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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