So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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