wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
