So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
