Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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