Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
