I feel like I'm in dance class right now
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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