Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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