oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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