you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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