i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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