Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
ttyl tear gas
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
