I wish I only lived at night.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
