South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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