never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
