I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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