That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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