is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
