I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
