you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
