Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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