I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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