i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
