My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
