talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
