He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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