so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
