I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
