I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
