the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
