his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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