Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
