drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
