I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Two words: blizzard sex
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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