community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
