I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
