we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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