listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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